Don't hit back...

Sometimes when I am struggling the best thing for me to do is write. This is usually a quick jot in my journals. This morning I have been writing. Here are somethings that I am chewing on and I thought "maybe they could help someone out there too"

 

Relationship is hard work. People will hurt you, it's inevitable. The choice is who you give the key to your heart.

Relationship is supposed to give you a connection that makes you a better person.

You can LOVE without trusting. Work just as hard on yourself as you expect the other person to be working. Trust is a two way street.

How do you know if a past hurtful relationship is worth working on 1) is there confession 2) Is there ownership of the hurt that has been caused 3) Is there remorse. Not a guilty conscious but real remorse. 4) Is there change? OR does the same problem keep happening over and over again?

Does that other person surround themselves with other healthy people? Who are their other friends?

There is no rush back into a relationship that has been hurtful in the past.

As far as it lies with me I will conduct my life and relationships under God's rules for health and success in life.

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Romans 12:18

Reference: Beyond Boundaries By Dr. John Townsend

The Wall { Life the Endurance Race}

I have been on the Mountain for what seems to be a long time, I am tired. The temptation to return to the city is is high. If I hear one more word of discouragement and criticism I am going to blow. I am almost to the end of this part of the race. I just told God the other day I wanted to finish well. I am doing good, staying content, letting the words and set backs roll off my shoulders. Yet,  Satan has been firing arrows and they have really started to hurt. They are tearing me a part.

I try to remember he has no defense, I on the other hand do.

Then I hit a Wall.

In this Endurance Race we call Life we sometimes hit Walls. This week I hit a BIG one. I called it quits. I was done. I was relying on my own strength. At the end I was left tired and empty.

My mind was made up to quit. The thing about quitting is that it makes me sad, I will miss out. Miss out on what could have been. Miss out on the reward for all of the work already put in. At the moment though it seemed to be the easiest thing to do.

The wall is a real thing. In a running sense when you hit the wall your body runs out of carbs and hydration. The body wants to stop. In a spirit sense the wall is when you run out your own ability. Everything in you wants to stop. You guys. I was there. I was ready to quit a race that had brought me so much joy.

God was faithful... AGAIN! Just when I was through. I got a call from a friend. I had a long conversation with a woman I trust. I prayed with my sister from another mister. I got a post on my wall telling me I have been a blessing to someone I look up to. Then I talked to MountainMan till wee hours in the morning.

I assume this is how Moses felt on the Mountain. Tired with nothing left to give. Then God sent Aaron and Hur. They held him up so he could win the battle. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to my Aaron's and Hur's. I love you more then word's can express.

Truth or Dare

Adam and Eve hid in the Garden. Ashamed of what they had done. Hiding in secret…

It starts off with a conversation about hiding food from one another. It eeerks me to no end. I hate hiding food. It. Is. So. Stupid. Yet, this family does it often. Maybe because we have three growing teenage boys. Maybe because we live on the mountain and I will forget to pick it up next time I am in town. Maybe it’s because we all get greedy at times and want the best for our selves. All that aside, things done in secret piss me off.

Number one rule for loss of trust. Do something in secret. Then let the cat out of the bag…

Some of the worst hurts are done in secret. Gossip. Adultery. Thievery.

We hide it away. Hoping no one will find out.

If you can’t do it out in the open… what makes it honest?  

In my book, life should be lived out loud. Honest. Not kept in the dark. Behind doors. Hidden in the underwear drawer. Pretzel M&M’s will go stale in there..

When we hide our morsels and after the stank has risen. Trust is lost. Hurt is 10 times worse.

Let’s avoid it. Let’s Communicate. Tell the Stuff. Hear the Stuff. Listen to the Stuff. It matters. To the heart.

Life is best shared. In fact life isn’t life unless it’s shared. That means we will get hurt. Our favorite stuff will be consumed by others. Our food. Our stories. Our money. Our homes.  I don’t think it should be any other way.

I dare you. To tell the truth.

Luke 12:2

Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known.

Want to see what else God says about secrets?

Ecclesiastes12:14, Matthew 10:26-28, 12:36-37  Ephesians 4:25, 4:29 Romans 2:16

Adullam and prayerfully considering Un-Friending some people

Guys, I feel the deep creeping in. I use to think it was dark, I was scared of it.  Now I realize it a spot of growth for me. It’s a time to reflect and hole up. The key is emerging.

David did it. Hole up I mean. In a cave, Adullam. He was seeking refuge.  It was a time of reflection. He was asking God questions, lamenting.  Time in the cave strengthened him, restored him and encouraged him. He eventually emerged, stronger with unbreakable faith. His time prepared him to withstand what was around the bend.

My time in the hole:

I am taking time to reflect on How God is with me. He sees me, He knows my every thought. I trust Him to work through these questions.

I am trusting that He defends me.  At this moment I don’t have the strength, the wisdom or words to fight right now. This is unusual for me. I am a fighter by nature. This time in the hole, I am waiting on God to act.

Right now in the hole, I am prayerfully considering boundaries. Where to draw them and how too lovingly (even to myself) use them.

God has a purpose for the hole. I will trust in it. I promise I won’t be here long.

I like this quote my friend put on Facebook this week.

  "If someone tracks mud into your beautiful home night after night, forgiving him means the next time he knocks, you go to the door. But if he is still muddy and still willing to track it in, don't let him in. There has been no repentance, thus there can be no reconciliation. Only repentance (taking off his muddy shoes in respect of your home) can result in an invitation to come in. Forgiveness is simply the willingness to keep going to the door in hopes that true repentance may have occurred."
-John Bishop

Here’s is to the hole, healing and no more tracking mud on my carpet. {please picture a large cup of coffee swirled with the delicious Samoa's Girl Scout flavored Coffee creamer. Samoa cookie in the other hand}

Sharing is Caring

You guys I have a secret. I have to spill it's guts because it's overflowing. Each week I pin things to a board on my Pinterest  page that no one can see. Then I plan on sharing all of the goodies on Friday {I promise I do, I have the best intentions}. Then I do not make time for a consistent Friday Favorite post. The links are getting out of hand. I have to purge. They weigh on me. So, because I care about you, I am going to share all my hidden morsels.

I hope you enjoy! { some are old and some are new}

Who doesn't love Maroon 5? ~ PopSugar

I too have a lesson obsession  ~Chatting at the Sky

Just where does our fat go? ~LifeHack

100 years of beauty { girls we can be silly}~ Cut.com

What do you say to a hurting friend? ~Bronlea

Ouch!! I realized I sleep too much ~ Jen Thorn

Could you forgive? ~MSN {BTK Killer}

Former Stripper takes on a Sex Trafficker in the US {That's one bad chick}~ Fox News

Now you know and I feel so much better.

Where are you Lobster?

Dear Lobster,

I waited. I am still waiting. Where are you?

I remember the first time we locked hands. You in a small incubator. Me standing on the outside. I remember your dimples. I remember ...

Remember when we were inseparable. Remember our late night giggles. You tickle my back and I tickle yours. Most of the time we only had each other.

Remember "hawaiian princess". Remember Barbies. Remember bike rides and dinner at 6:00. Remember camping trips and go cart racing.

Remember the trip to Vegas. Remember pulling the needle out of her arm. Remember staying up all night to make sure she was breathing.

Those hauntings. Are they what made you chose the road you have? You are braver than me. The stories you have to tell.

I use to think I could save you. Change you. I use to think I knew it all. I know better now.

I want you to know that I believe in you. I love you. I miss you.  I have no idea what is good or bad for you. I am not a judge, just a witness to your life. I will leave that up to God. I know you gave Him your life. I trust you are in good  hands.

Thank you for letting me be part of that miraculous birth. Thank you for letting me love on your boys. Thank you for letting me come to "the class". Thank you for the drives. Thank you for the talks. Thank you for the encouragement. Thank you for staying the night. Thank you for being so honest and sharing your heart.

I pray you come back. I see your smile. Hear your voice.

New day. New choices.

Until then. I am thinking of you.

Love, Sissy

Lock and Key {6 things I know for sure about relationships}

Just for kicks I have been studying 1 Corinthians. Funny how God intertwines all sorts of  materials to whisper his will for you. How the Spirit convicts in so many different ways. I am learning about relationships. Boundaries. Forgiveness. Selflessness.

{SOURCE}

 I have had a really challenging relationship {call it a thorn in my side}. It seems no matter how hard I have tried in this relationship; Forgiven. Forgotten. Communicated. Served. Sacrificed. Yelled. Slandered. Plotted. Given up. Prayed. Ignored. Repented. Begged. Tried to live in peace for pete's sake. Nothing has worked. I have sought professional counseling for this relationship. Other relationships have been damaged because of this disunion. Hearts hurt. All because this other person and I can not seem to get along. I really can't tell you where it went wrong. I can't pinpoint the problem. Maybe that's what drives me so crazy.

A much as I have begged God to heal this relationship; immediately. It doesn't happen. I read recently that if God is not changing your situation, maybe he is trying to change your heart. I believe that is what he is doing. I have been pushed in ways no other situation could. For that, I am grateful.

This tough relationship has taught me thefollowing:

• Forgiveness is not forgetfulness: To forgive is to not wish harm on others. You are not out there seeking revenge on your own. You decide to release your feelings of resentment and vengeance. God promises to fight for you. Revenge is his. Romans 12:19. Forgiveness is not glossing over the problem and forgetting that it ever happened..

Forgiveness is a process

•  Be kind and Do good. How you make others feel says a lot about you. Period. Your. Words.{written or spoken} Make a difference. Your .Smile. Makes a difference. If you know what it feels like to be treated rudely. To not be greeted. To be treated like you don't even exist. Then I pray that you also know what it feels like to be indulged and accommodated. To know how it feels to have someone reach down in your weary soul and make it live. Be that person. Give without hesitation.  I don't want to ever make some one feel like they are not worth kindness. I have realized that those that are unkind, need my kindness most.  

• Succeed and Build. Don't stop accomplishing your dreams. Keep succeeding. Whatever you are doing, do it to the best of your ability. Don't let the nastiness, intended harm and hatred from someone else stop you. You have to continue doing what God wants you to do. EVERYDAY. Be obedient.  What they do will be brought to light. In the mean time. If my "enemy" needs something. I will be there to give it. If they were thirsty, I would give them something to drink. Glorify God.

 Haters gonna Hate Proverbs 9:8.

• BE HONEST:There is never any need for slander, gossip or back biting. This is just proof of character flaws. There is no need to go around and try to win others to "your side". Let your character speak for itself. That means no gossip. no slander. no back biting. 

But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, MALICE, SLANDER,and obscene talk from your mouth Colossians 3:8

• BE HAPPY AND LET YOUR LIGHT SHINE:Don't play the victim card. Listen you are not responsible for people.  However you are responsible to people. Happiness is your responsibility. Your attitude. feelings. beliefs. behavior. choices. values. limits. talents. thoughts. desires.LOVE. is your responsibility. At the end of my life I will stand before my God. Responsible for me. Did I use what God gave me to the best of my ability? OR Did I hide it under rancid bitterness?

•  ABOVE ALL ELSE GUARD YOUR HEART.Instead of walls and fortresses around my heart ,I choose to have a gate. I will guard it. I hold the lock. I hold the key. Let those in that are kind. Loving. Want the best for you. Give yourself permission to give less of yourself to those who are less then loving. Give yourself permission to release toxic relationships. The emotional attachments that you make determines the course of your life. Choose LOVE.

So if you find yourself in a tough relationship.  Let me encourage you to let it refine you not define you. Smooth your rough edges away and let God shine through you. 

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How about you? Have you ever had a challenging relationship? Has it healed? What brought the healing? This will be a miracle from GOD {isn't it always?}. I pray this is His will. 

Jehovah Rophi. I call to you for healing in this relationship.God, help me to know when to pursue and when to back down. Help me to know when to forgive, when to give up my bitterness. Let me know when to speak and when to listen. Let me know when to open up and when to guard myself. God, I give you this relationship. Heal it in your time. Let us learn from it, what you want us to learn from it. Help me to love well. Reflect you well. Forgive me  for my ugly part in this bad relationship. Thank you for your conviction. In Jesus Name, Amen.