Inevitably Random

Today. I was alone. For hours. By myself. It was just what I needed. I cooked and cleaned and sang my heart out to old country. Don Williams. Johnny Cash. Dolly Parton. It was bliss. That’s all about that.

My thoughts have really been turning to the inevitable lately. Like Death and aging and change. It’s all inevitable.

Parents. Spouses. Friends. Pets. Relationships. Hopes. Goals. Die. It’s so ugly and harsh and true.

I watched on Facebook this week as a friend mourned the recent death of her father. She posted she felt numb. I wanted to tell her “it all gets better.” Yet, I remember that feeling. Numb. Almost three years later, when I think of Daddy. I smile. Yet, there is still this numb. It’s like… have you ever had surgery and the surgeon cuts a nerve? They put it back together. It heals.  It is never really the same. When you touch it, it’s still numb with a little bit of feeling. It’s the weirdest feeling. That’s how I describe this numb. Life has been severed. Gone. The BEing slowly gets put back together. Yet, it’s never the same. It’s numb. When you rub the old wound, there is feeling and yet no feeling. Yeah, that’s how I feel about death right now. It strikes a numb nerve. It’s inevitable. That’s all about that.

This week I ate really well. I went to the gym. I used the weights. However, getting old is inevitable. Those pants won’t fit the same. Baggy eyes in the morning after crying, is inevitable. Larger thighs and hanging stomach fat. All of it, inevitable. I am getting old and will continue to do so.  That’s all about that. because. well .TMI

I realized I am years away from being an empty nester. Year’s people. Not a decade or close to two decades. YEARS!!  I could cry crocodile tears but I cried them all out last night. The oldest turned 16. How? When did this happen? He is growing into an incredible man. I am literally shaking my head as I type this. Disbelief that he is my child. I mean I have screwed up!! More than I would like to admit. I have yelled. I have been selfish. Wait. I don’t want to admit anymore.  Yet, maybe that is the key. I admit it to them when I screw up. So, I have apologized more than I would like to admit. I have had to swallow the bitter pill of pride. These kids. They grew me up!! What will I do when they are not here, under my roof? That’s all about that… for now

Here are some other things that are inevitable. Sunday is Bunday for me. It just is. I can’t for the life of me do my hair on Sunday mornings. When my heart is ugly and I am emotional, MountainMan will make me go on a walk. In the dark. And I get grumpy. In turn it is inevitable that I then step into a cold stream and the Fword will fly from my lips like butter. BUTTER I tell you. It’s Inevitable. 

It’s inevitable that mud will be on my floor within seconds of mopping. Because no one around here knows how to take off their shoes or wipe their feet {including me}. Inevitable. 

More inevitable you ask. Hurt. People hurt us. Church people hurt us. Family people hurt us. Friend people hurt us. Children hurt us. Spouse people hurt us. They just do. They suck. They break promises. Tell your secrets. Cheat on you. Steal things away from you. Yell at you. Call you names. Forget about you. Remind you that you might NEVER EVER be enough. Become addicted to things that take them away from you. Tell you they will do something and then do the opposite. They hurt us. Life hurts us. Goals aren't met. Dreams are broken. Plot changes happen. They do!! It’s called life. THE great adventure. It’s inevitable. Life and people suck. Thank you SIN!!

NOTE TO SELF:

One more inevitable? You will die. One day YOU will stand before your Maker. So stop being everyone else Holy Spirit. a.n.d. wear yoga pants. get a tattoo. pierce your septum. loose the weight. eat healthier. go back to school. say your sorry. tell her she is beautiful. tell him he is amazing. let them be kids. say yes more often. say no more often. tell that kid what to do because crying out loud YOU are the parent.  For the LOVE people. LOVE PEOPLE!! LOVE yourself. 

You want more? Jesus. Inevitable. He died for US!! All of us UGLY Nasty Selfish LYING abusive sinners. Phew!! Thank you LORD. That your inevitable sacrifice saved me from an inevitable fate of living apart from you. That would be Hell. Thank you for inevitably standing by me. Never leaving me when I tried to leave you. For telling me that you live. You love. You will always be there for me. My God you were. My God you are. My God you will always be. Inevitably.

Currently... Bring on 2015

Currently… moments ago I walked in the door from putting the hen’s to bed. It was tranquil. The snow fell slowly and the flashlight glistened off the little bits of ice. I felt like I was in a world of glitter.

Currently… the word for 2015 "KNOW". To know. To believe. To remove distorted thoughts. Truth. To be present. To see. To witness. To watch.

Currently Reading… God Distorted ~ John Bishop, This Present Darkness~ Frank E Peretti, The pursuit of God ~ A.W. Tozer, Believing God ~Beth Moore

Currently loving… Rest. It doesn't happen much for me. This chapter in my life has brought rest. I am learning to live in it.

Currently waiting for...  God. Waiting has taught me that just because I have not moved yet. Or the prayers I utter every night have not been answered… yet. Does not mean that God doesn't like me. OR that he doesn't answer my prayers like he does everybody else. It doesn't mean that I don’t have enough faith or that I waver too much. He is not waiting to pounce on me and make me pay for all my past sins. He is just waiting, probably on me. I am biting my nails trying to be patient, knowing that what he has in store is more than what I could ask for.

We are also waiting to know if Lobster is going to rehab. If so, that means we will have two extra boys living with us. Excited and nervous wrapped in one.

 Currently excited about... Goal setting and Goal Board crafting.

Currently missing... convenience. I miss being 3 minutes from the grocery store when I need Nyquil. I miss having a neighbor, friends and family close by.

Currently trying... to see life from other’s point of view

Currently working at... embracing getting older. I am working at healthier choices and creating the habit of going to the gym daily.

Currently enjoying... these soft sweat pants that MountainMan bought me for Christmas. I have worn them every day since. {Give me a break we have been sick}

Currently using... lots of tissues and Vick’s vapor rub

Currently wearing... when I am not wearing my sweat pants, I am in flannels. Flannels shirts. Flannel skirts. I didn't realize MountainMan and I were so POSH. #LUMBERSEXUAL

Currently planning...2015 of course

Currently singing... Ed Sheeran Thinking Out Loud

Currently needing... A massage. A hot cup of coffee. I take that back. A shot of NyQuil is what I need

Currently learning... about God. Who is HE really? Not this god I thought he was! Applying 1 Corinthians 13 to HIM. Because if God is LOVE, as He calls Himself, then God is patient. God is kind. God is not easily angered. God does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. God always protects. These are things I did not trust God for. Most of my Christian life I have been waiting for Him to bring the hammer down. I plop down expecting the bottom to fall out.Wasting time to find out I really do have to pay for all my sins, it was just joke. But GOD NEVER Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Fails!!

Currently listening to... the dog snoring. Hunger Games playing on the TV. Typing of the keyboard. It’s quiet and normal around here. *peaceful sigh*

Currently wishing...  I could start planning a HOME board on Pinterest for real

Currently doing...year end financials. Just like every year at this time

Currently praying for... health. For Kairos. For dear friends. For family. For clarity. For MORE of God. To KNOW Him more. For the MountainBoys. To know how much of my story to share on Sunday. Sometimes when I repeat it out loud it seems unreal. 

Currently dreaming of... a new home. I know I know. I am just being truthful J

My wishing is like putting clothes out to dry on a 30 degree day... it's not going to happen anytime soon

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 What are you currently up to?

The Tease

"God's not a tease. That's not who He is" she says when she gets the news that the buyers of her house are being difficult... again. She reminds herself out loud of who God is and who he is not. This was good for me to hear. Sometimes I feel as though God teases me. 

The word says he does not tease.

Matthew 7:7-11.
7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

9 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

I like the way The Message states it :

Matthew 7:7-11The Message (MSG)

7-11 “Don’t bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn’t a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we’re in. If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn’t think of such a thing. You’re at least decent to your own children. So don’t you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better?

God doesn't play games.

 Perhaps he coaxes? As only a good teacher can. He puts us in environments that tease us out of our resistance. Out of our heartache. Out of our distrust. Then he gives us the resources we need to learn and grow. Out of our boxes. Into His Arms.  

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On a journey of learning who God REALLY is. Do you have distorted view about God? Do you KNOW Him for who he is? What was your journey like?

Sisters in Christ

Sitting at a baby shower she pulls me close. I want to be her when I am 80 and so I lean in and listen. She said she was reading a few years back some statistics about the Christian Bride. She says "there are three main reasons that young people from the ages of 18-39 are leaving the church in groves. That means large quantities" she says.

"They are leaving because 1. Hypocrisy. Christians don't DO what they say the believe. They tell everyone else to do it, they hold everyone else to the standards. 2. Exclusivity. We say everyone belongs. Then we scoff when someone different walks through the doors. 3. Relationships. We are missing real relationships. Do we really care? Why do we offer our opinions and rebuke people when we don't have a relationship with them?"

" Misty" she says "what can you and I do about that today?"

I ask myself this every morning since.

It's those people God places in our lives.

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Folks. What can you and I do about this?

You're Loved {Coffee For Your Heart}

You're Loved. That's all she had to say. I sit in the kitchen window, with my tin hat on trying to get reception, silently ugly crying {I promise it's possible}.

I miss this girl more then she will ever know. Living out in the middle of nowhere has really taken a toll on me mentally. spiritually. emotionally. Yet, these people God has placed in my life pour into me. They are HIS hands. HIS feet. HIS voice. HIS body.

We laugh about our "diet's". Talk about anxiety and doctors and just what is the right pill and just what isn't the right pill. We promise to see each other on Wednesday 10:30 for coffee. My heart leaps a little. Our coffee dates are always filling.

Before I leave our coffee date, she prays for me. The word's are so perfect it could only be the Holy Spirit.

It whispers into my soul again. You are loved.

She calls me from a distant land to see how I am doing. Have I heard from lobster? The phone call costs on average $80. I get off the phone praying for her and her family. For the children that will be set free.She reminds me You're Loved. I miss her. She is HIS hands. She is HIS feet. She is HIS voice. She is HIS body.

She texts me asking how I am. She doesn't want to hear the shallow "I am fine". She wants to know my heart. Our conversation is a reminder that we share a common heart break. Addiction, that runs deep in the family. We end the conversation with confirmation that I am always family no matter how far away I may wander. She reminds me of HIS hands. She reminds me of HIS feet. She reminds me of HIS voice. She is HIS body.

They write. They comment. They email. They text. They share encouragement. They share their hurt. They are HIS hands. They are HIS feet. They are HIS voice. They are HIS body.

Community. A gift from God. To show us tangibly that You. Are. LOVED.

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Do you embrace the community God has placed around you? When asked how you are doing , are you honest? OR do you give the PC "I am fine"? I challenge you this week to give a little bit of your heart and dare to see that YOU ARE LOVED!!

Linking up with at holleygerth.com for some extra encouragement. 

Where are you Lobster?

Dear Lobster,

I waited. I am still waiting. Where are you?

I remember the first time we locked hands. You in a small incubator. Me standing on the outside. I remember your dimples. I remember ...

Remember when we were inseparable. Remember our late night giggles. You tickle my back and I tickle yours. Most of the time we only had each other.

Remember "hawaiian princess". Remember Barbies. Remember bike rides and dinner at 6:00. Remember camping trips and go cart racing.

Remember the trip to Vegas. Remember pulling the needle out of her arm. Remember staying up all night to make sure she was breathing.

Those hauntings. Are they what made you chose the road you have? You are braver than me. The stories you have to tell.

I use to think I could save you. Change you. I use to think I knew it all. I know better now.

I want you to know that I believe in you. I love you. I miss you.  I have no idea what is good or bad for you. I am not a judge, just a witness to your life. I will leave that up to God. I know you gave Him your life. I trust you are in good  hands.

Thank you for letting me be part of that miraculous birth. Thank you for letting me love on your boys. Thank you for letting me come to "the class". Thank you for the drives. Thank you for the talks. Thank you for the encouragement. Thank you for staying the night. Thank you for being so honest and sharing your heart.

I pray you come back. I see your smile. Hear your voice.

New day. New choices.

Until then. I am thinking of you.

Love, Sissy

Lock and Key {6 things I know for sure about relationships}

Just for kicks I have been studying 1 Corinthians. Funny how God intertwines all sorts of  materials to whisper his will for you. How the Spirit convicts in so many different ways. I am learning about relationships. Boundaries. Forgiveness. Selflessness.

{SOURCE}

 I have had a really challenging relationship {call it a thorn in my side}. It seems no matter how hard I have tried in this relationship; Forgiven. Forgotten. Communicated. Served. Sacrificed. Yelled. Slandered. Plotted. Given up. Prayed. Ignored. Repented. Begged. Tried to live in peace for pete's sake. Nothing has worked. I have sought professional counseling for this relationship. Other relationships have been damaged because of this disunion. Hearts hurt. All because this other person and I can not seem to get along. I really can't tell you where it went wrong. I can't pinpoint the problem. Maybe that's what drives me so crazy.

A much as I have begged God to heal this relationship; immediately. It doesn't happen. I read recently that if God is not changing your situation, maybe he is trying to change your heart. I believe that is what he is doing. I have been pushed in ways no other situation could. For that, I am grateful.

This tough relationship has taught me thefollowing:

• Forgiveness is not forgetfulness: To forgive is to not wish harm on others. You are not out there seeking revenge on your own. You decide to release your feelings of resentment and vengeance. God promises to fight for you. Revenge is his. Romans 12:19. Forgiveness is not glossing over the problem and forgetting that it ever happened..

Forgiveness is a process

•  Be kind and Do good. How you make others feel says a lot about you. Period. Your. Words.{written or spoken} Make a difference. Your .Smile. Makes a difference. If you know what it feels like to be treated rudely. To not be greeted. To be treated like you don't even exist. Then I pray that you also know what it feels like to be indulged and accommodated. To know how it feels to have someone reach down in your weary soul and make it live. Be that person. Give without hesitation.  I don't want to ever make some one feel like they are not worth kindness. I have realized that those that are unkind, need my kindness most.  

• Succeed and Build. Don't stop accomplishing your dreams. Keep succeeding. Whatever you are doing, do it to the best of your ability. Don't let the nastiness, intended harm and hatred from someone else stop you. You have to continue doing what God wants you to do. EVERYDAY. Be obedient.  What they do will be brought to light. In the mean time. If my "enemy" needs something. I will be there to give it. If they were thirsty, I would give them something to drink. Glorify God.

 Haters gonna Hate Proverbs 9:8.

• BE HONEST:There is never any need for slander, gossip or back biting. This is just proof of character flaws. There is no need to go around and try to win others to "your side". Let your character speak for itself. That means no gossip. no slander. no back biting. 

But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, MALICE, SLANDER,and obscene talk from your mouth Colossians 3:8

• BE HAPPY AND LET YOUR LIGHT SHINE:Don't play the victim card. Listen you are not responsible for people.  However you are responsible to people. Happiness is your responsibility. Your attitude. feelings. beliefs. behavior. choices. values. limits. talents. thoughts. desires.LOVE. is your responsibility. At the end of my life I will stand before my God. Responsible for me. Did I use what God gave me to the best of my ability? OR Did I hide it under rancid bitterness?

•  ABOVE ALL ELSE GUARD YOUR HEART.Instead of walls and fortresses around my heart ,I choose to have a gate. I will guard it. I hold the lock. I hold the key. Let those in that are kind. Loving. Want the best for you. Give yourself permission to give less of yourself to those who are less then loving. Give yourself permission to release toxic relationships. The emotional attachments that you make determines the course of your life. Choose LOVE.

So if you find yourself in a tough relationship.  Let me encourage you to let it refine you not define you. Smooth your rough edges away and let God shine through you. 

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How about you? Have you ever had a challenging relationship? Has it healed? What brought the healing? This will be a miracle from GOD {isn't it always?}. I pray this is His will. 

Jehovah Rophi. I call to you for healing in this relationship.God, help me to know when to pursue and when to back down. Help me to know when to forgive, when to give up my bitterness. Let me know when to speak and when to listen. Let me know when to open up and when to guard myself. God, I give you this relationship. Heal it in your time. Let us learn from it, what you want us to learn from it. Help me to love well. Reflect you well. Forgive me  for my ugly part in this bad relationship. Thank you for your conviction. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Twisted Sister

Twisted for His Glory. Gut wrenching change that twists and turns. All for His Glory. It starts with a little pain. Then it grows. Doors start to open. Other's close. People walk in, others walk out. 

Sometimes it starts with a conversation. Recently, it started with my feelings being hurt. She said I wasn't doing it right. It wasn't to her liking. It rubbed me wrong. I am not old, but I have had enough life to know that when it hurts, it's okay. There is change a coming. 

I try to lean into it. See what it is He wants me to see. This time He wanted me to see that there are other ways of doing it. That no matter my intention, HE uses it for HIS Glory. 

 Frightening, how things just start falling into place. Books recommended from strange sources. Conversations over heard. Words spoke directly at me. HIS Word, that said something so different this time. A heart wrenching phone call. A silent coffee with a friend. Prayer answered. that. I. doubted. when I muttered the words "Please God save her". And the plot twists in an unexpected turn. He used me.

I realize I am such an Israelite. Moses at best. Lord, not me. I can't do it. I run away. Push into the World. Spend how I want. My time. My money. Spew my black heart. Let my lips vomit what ever anger may rise. Doubt and fear. I hide. I am quiet. But they have prayed and I am made for such a time as this.

HE doesn't let this go on for long. HE pulls me back. AND I twist. My gut wrenches. My knees break. My heart sweats. My soul sways to HIS harmony. HIS woo. HIS mercy. HE never let me go.

I screw up. I say dumb things. I numb my mind. I judge to quickly. I say NO more times then I say Yes. He forgives and keeps moving me into HIS direction. To follow HIS plan. Because I serve a sovereign God. ONE I can trust. I know this is not the end. A new chapter awaits. I am ready for it I am have been prepped by the Almighty.

Twisted for HIS glory. Painful. Yet, so beautiful when HE is done.




----------->>>> What about you? Ever feel the gut wrench? Do you lean into it or do you run away? Do you have a verse you cling to? Do you trust HIM or yourself?

I am a lucky girl!!

Ever been overwhelmed with gratitude. That is where I find myself tonight.  I am one lucky girl. It's true. God has truly blessed me. We are finally settling in  our new "home" at the Ranch. One of the best parts of living at the Ranch is my commute.  I count it as one of my 1000 Gifts. I relish in the fact that I do not have cell service for at least 20 minutes. It gives me time to talk to God. Chat it out if you will. Give thanks and breathe deep. Thank you Jesus for knowing just what I need.

I always have beautiful scenery to take my breath away. It testifies to how great my Creator is.

I am reminded that life is full of season's and that there is a time for everything. 

Right now this season, it is a season of being filled. Being healed. 

Storms have rolled this year. Heartbreak has happened this summer. My home has changed. My heart has changed. My GOD has not!!

I didn't know it would feel like this

It's hard to believe that it has been one week and one day since Daddy passed. My heart hurts. Physically. I am stuck in a daze and at times it is hard to breath. I am working a lot. Now is my busy season. Time passes quickly.

It's the moments like when I am searching past texts from just a week ago and I see the one marked "Daddy". My heart yanks out of my chest, my pulse races and I feel as though I may vomit. All I can do is just set and rock and cry the ugly cry. Daddy I miss you.

I didn't know it would feel like this.  Yet. I have hope. I weep a little differently then some one who does not. Yet. I weep. I am learning compassion faster then I ever thought. I use to not know what to say to someone who had just lost their loved one. I steered clear. Now I know. It's important to just let them know you are sorry. You love them. If they need ANYTHING you are there. They need you.

Through it all, I can't deny the many, many gifts my God has given me. The promises he has kept. He has stayed close to me. He has given me strength I had no idea I possessed. He has sent people to love me. To talk to me. To guide me.

God gave me a wonderful husband. A storybook husband. The prince who holds you up when you can't do it on your own. The man you dreamed of as a little girl.... Yeah, God gave me him. He has been amazing. Let me cry, scream, punch the jeans that Daddy would wear the next day in his grave, over and over again. He hasn't once said "that's enough. pull yourself together." he just let's me cry.

God gave me the gift of forgiveness. Daddy and I had a very rocky past. God redeemed me. He redeemed Daddy. He redeemed our relationship. He gave me the gift of time with Daddy. He let me see how my Daddy forgave. He never held a grudge. Just loved unconditionally. What a great legacy he left behind.

God gave me the gift of letting one of my best friends witness his coming to Christ. Then she reminded me how genuine it was. What a beautiful gift.

God gave me the gift of my very strong grandmother. Who sadly knows the in's and out's of a funeral.

God gave me phone calls after phone calls from my Dad's friends telling me just how much Daddy loved me.

God gave me salvation. He redeemed me. What a gift that I will see him again.

Momma Didn't Raise No Fool

If you know anything about me you know that I am out numbered in my home. Ratio of 3/4. It is man city around here. Lot's of grunts and and farts. Tarzan mating calls and WWF announcements. God gave me boys. God gave our family ONLY boys. That's right. I have 5 nephews. Not one single girl.

Truth be told I love the boys. They are rough and tumble. Loud. Disgusting. Dirty. I mean filthy most of the time. They are adventurous. And Daring. Imaginative. Creative. Who else builds three story forts using chairs, rope, clothes pins and sheets? Who else can imagine swords out of twigs and guns out of finger tips? Who can fight off the dragon with just the swat from his hand? Who else thinks lizards are neat and snakes are cool? Who fights off the bad guy? Saves the damsel in distress? Builds Lego cities out of one set of blocks? Sleeps with his cowboy boots on? Toggles a battery and engine on a Hotwheel and makes it run? Makes up games like tasketball (tackle basketball)? Gets a black eye and laughs about it? Breaks an arm just to know how it feels? Lassos a llama? Throws horse manure by hand without gagging? Rides bikes over ramps landing in "the ditch"? Catches marshmallows on fire just to watch them burn? Quotes Star War's incessantly?  Aims for the bull's eye every time? Know's the name of every gun and ammo it takes? What insect eat's what? And what a lizard's mouth smells like? BOYS. They are WARRIORS. One day these boys will be men. 

That's why LOVE and I take the job of raising these man-childs very serious. When they were first born LOVE and I set up some "rules" for our little hero's.


#1 They would LOVE God. I mean LOVE Him. Not just go to church and say they love Him because Dad and Mom do. BUT LOVE Him. With all their hearts, mind and souls.


 #2 They would be a blessing to other's. They will have manners. They will be respectful. They will be disciplined. They will treat others equally.They will be compassionate. They will be gentlemen. They will have integrity. They will be responsible for their own actions.


 # 3 They would be leader's. Don't follow the "in" crowd. Be yourself. You are unique. God made YOU for a PURPOSE, that no one else can fill. 


 #4 Live life to the fullest. Live life on purpose. Have a plan.  Take risks. You only have one life. LIVE it!!We don't want children who do things half ass. If your going to do it. Put your heart into it. 


#5 Have FUN. Enjoy life.  It's not all about the things you obtain and the money in the bank. It's about experience. People you meet. Memories you make.


That's it.


 I would love to say that we stayed true to those the last 13 years of parenting. We haven't. As you know there has been a stretch of time where money was everything. Our little men caught on to that. There has been times we have been cruel to others. Held on to things and stuff to long when God is beckoning us to take the ride of our lives. For the most part though. We have tried to stick to them. We have taught them to take risks. To LOVE God. To be a blessing to others. To take the high road.I am told often that they are such gentlemen. 






My PUNKS are one "those" kids. (soon to be one of the "unschooled" children) Rarely trying to fit in. Really a blessing to most people (except the neighbor, who hates night games that start way after those children should be in bed)



 This is why I am so MAD!!! 


Oldest punk is being bullied. Momma bear is PISSED!! I want to go find this rugrats mother and rip her face off. Literally. If you knew me back in the day, you know that I was a fighter.  I too was bullied in elementary and jr. high. One day I had enough. I hit a boy square in the gut!! Then I never stopped. I was angry. I fought all the time. I fought at the local school playground. Grocery stores. Gas stations. Vacations. Barbecues. Weddings. I fought the night of my highschool graduation after the ceremony. I fought a girl the 2nd date with LOVE. I fought. I will fight this mother!!!!!


 CRAP. WWJD?

Well HE would probably do what the oldest PUNK is doing. Being PRUDENT. Cause Momma didn't raise no fool!!


PROVERBS 12:16 
A FOOL SHOWS HIS ANNOYANCE AT ONCE, BUT A PRUDENT MAN OVERLOOKS AN INSULT.


Can I tell you this annoys me? I want him to go beat the crap out of this kid. 'Cause I know he can!! Tell me. What do you do when it comes to your precious child and bullies? What do you do when you know what God wants you to do but you BELIEVE your way is better? Seriously. I am seeking counsel!!!

Stepping Out of The Boat!!

I guess it's time to share that we are stepping out of the boat. Taking a leap of faith. Trusting... We have been asking; where is GOD taking us? I believe we know. Will you pray for us? Pray that the house will sell for what we need it to. That we will stay strong as a family and a couple. Pray for protection from spiritual warfare. Pray for wisdom. Pray for growth. Pray for healing. Pray for a smooth transition. AND good grief, pray that I can home school next year!! Thank you friends!

Very Unlikely Farm Hands

I will give them an UNDIVIDED heart and put a new spirit in them. EZ. 11:19

Soooo.... How do you like the new name? You'll never guess who won the contest. YEP, my favorite neighbor. She text me. while I was setting at the orthodontist. with the littlest punk. Can I tell you I was a blubbering mess?! Seriously. Sobbing by the end of our conversation (is that what you call it when you text over 50 times in a five minute period?). Of course then I am called back to talk to the doctor about how punks tooth needs to be pulled. Dr perfect teeth just stared at me. I am sure he didn't know what to say to my big red shiny nose.

I really could not help myself.

I just finished a study in Acts.Where I learned just how single minded Paul was. I prayed "God, Oh Holy Spirit stir my heart toward single mindedness. God, I want to be obedient. I want to live a life that my whole purpose is to bring glory to your name."

Oh, help me. What have I asked for? Am I prepared?

Anyway, thanks to that amazing woman God placed in my life, I have a new name for this little blog. Now what kind of STUFF to give her....

Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth;give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. Psalms 86:11

Feening in a different way

Feening: - to want something badly, to have a craving.


It's usually what a junkie does. One day I might explain how I know that all to well. For now I want you to know that I have a different feen. A feen for The WORD and a feen for God, a feen for hearing HIM E.V.E.R.Y.D.A.Y.!! A feen for HIS will in my life WHERE EVER it might take me. 


I promised an update to what has been going on. Not sure I can put it all in one post. I do want to share a few things and maybe one day I can put it all down in words. For now we will start right here, right where I am at. In the quiet. Listening for God. Listening to God. 


 God has REALLY been working on me for a while now. A few years ago a wonderful discipler (is that the right Christianese terminology?) told me to "Stop Bucking God". I had not really realized until that point just how disobedient I was (and still am at times). From that point on I asked God to search my heart, to show me when I am in complete and utter disobedience. Wow, how my world was rocked. I wish I would have kept a better journal, but lets just say for the last 3 years give or take my HEART has been COMPLETELY changed. Lately, even more. I am NOT the same person I was 3 years ago, 2 years ago or even last month. I am so grateful that HE did not leave me in my pit of slime, of mud and mire;he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. Psalm 40:2. 


With my change comes change with my blog. I will be changing it's name; I no longer feen for real estate. I just doesn't fit me any more. Don't get me wrong. I still love me some real estate. I still really enjoy working with people; helping obtain their home. I love home improvement. I love making memories. BUT I have found that I really have a passion for what God is doing. I will be changing the about me page.... cause well. There is more to me now. I hope you all stick around. & When I can make a little more sense of my thoughts I will write it all down.


For now I am still getting rid of stuff. I am praying. I am reading. I am MARVELING. I am listening. I am organizing. I am being intentional.  Today I let go. Because for a while now I have been holding on with my finger nails; and well today God repeated "let go, I will catch you" So, here I go. Let's see where I fall.

Tickled PINK!!

Without a doubt, surprises are the best part of being alive. I LOVE to be surprised. I LOVE to surprise. The look on your face, the feeling in your tummy. A reminder that you are not forgotten. Someone thought of you enough to meticulously plan and keep hidden until just the right time. It is the perfect timing that gets me. HE always has perfect timing.  "Rarely early, Never late, just always on time"-Rachel Homer .

This is what I must remember during this waiting time. His words "be still and know that I am God." While I am waiting; God just keeps loving on me. Surprising me. Saying things like "you silly girl, don't go making plans in stone.Because I have plans for you. Don't fret, don't worry. They may look ugly today. I promise they are to prosper you and not harm you. Give pink a chance.okay, maybe he didn't say give pink a chance.  Don't go making statements that you will never like something, live somewhere, or love someone.  I will change it. For I alone change hearts of stone. I will change yours as well." 

 Now before you go and start telling your neighbor that I have gone crazy, hearing God talk to me. I will disclose that he did not audibly say this to me. There was no burning bush or lightening in the sky. Just a poke that said, "hey give Pink another try"  

This blanket is exquisite; just like God's surprises. It was given to me as a gift. It's timeless. Hand woven.  Close to at least 100 years old, if not older. Made by a great, great grandmother to my punks. It was woven in love.Planned. Created. Used to warm someone, and someone after that. It's wool and kind of scratchy. But beautiful; none the less. 

It came at just the right time. I was feeling a little lost. Forgotten. Useless. Unwanted. Rootless. Wingless. Perfect timing. Perfect gift. Pink!! I will cherish it. One day pass it down in my family. Hopefully just like my faith. A legacy of God loving people. God willing. 

Thank you Lord for your timing; your will, not mine-Amen