a remarkable concurrence of events~ Coincidence

She is late and apologizes. She tells us that she wasn't going to come but last minute she decided she needed to. She brings zuchinni bread for us to break over coffee. As she starts to share a piece of her story, my heart begins to race. She reminds the other ladies how long she said no. They all shake their heads remembering. She reiterates how after she came to terms with it and said "YES!!" Others said NO. She questioned herself. The Holy Spirit and God. She thought maybe she had made it up. That it really wasn't laid on her heart . She wrestled for a time. She laid it at God's feet and He changed hearts. There is some humming... I realize it had come from me.  {sounded a little too familiar}.

As I share a bit of my past we realize there is someone else in the room with a very similar story...

Our sweetest hostess recommends writing a verse, a book or thought that is on our mind. Then we are to stick it in a bowl. When we leave we just grab one out of the bowl. I left with the one pictured above. John 15:16

Shit!! That's all that runs through my mind when things like his happen. {I hope I don't grieve the Holy Spirit}

#GodSizedDreams

This piece of the Word is exactly what I had been studying the other night. The other night after a crying out to God. "Don't make me. I can't do it. I am not equipped." The same night I was sent this in my instant message from a dear friend. She said she felt she needed to send this to me.

So, I took a deep breath and said yes. I open the Word and continue to plan the women's study. I am told there are no coincidences only God laying plans. Things coming together. God using community, people to be Him.

I am told that "if people want to know what God is like, they can look at Jesus.If they want to know what Jesus is like, they should be able to look at his followers"~ Max Lucado

Philippians 2:1-18 shows me what this should look like. I am reminded of not so long ago my epiphany of a Titus 2 woman {that should be me}

No coincidences. Just a foundation being laid. A plot being twisted. The author writing His story on our hearts. A story that needs to be shared. Because that is how He is shared.

My God is relentless. No.He is faithful to answering prayer. A caring Father. He doesn't leave me hanging. He takes me through His word to show the importance of Community and then reminds me again the following Sunday in Church.



His answer to prayer makes my jaw drop, drool left dripping of my lips.

There are no coincidences only Angel's working in our mist. God building on a foundation. Weaving thoughts, words, people, experiences into a beautiful story. All to His glory.

Different yet equal {just some thoughts}

Are Men and Women Equal? Yesterday I read and posted a great post about Feminism VS A Strong Woman in God. Next I started a new study by Kay Arthur titled A Marriage Without Regrets {it's free for right now}. This great debate of Women's Equality has got my thinking. Here are some of those thoughts. 

Men and Women are in fact created equal. Please take a look at the beginning of the Bible. Yes, ladies and gentlemen. Open your Bible to the VERY FIRST page and read vs 26-28 of this great Chapter.  VS 26 says “Let us make THEM in our image, in our likeness. And THEY will rule over the earth.” There is no mention of two MEN at this time. However, we see in vs 27 that God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male AND female {that’s the THEM} VS28 God blessed THEM and said to THEM “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. RULE over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” THEM. THEY rule over. Not just Adam!!!

God created us BOTH for the purpose of bringing honor and glory and power to Him {Revelation 4:11}. He wanted to create both of us. Man and Woman.

Although we were both created for the same purpose, we were created differently. Jeff doesn’t like to get all dressed up in a pretty dress or spend hours on make-up tutorials. I don’t lose sleep over planning bow hunts and I don’t doze off praying about digging holes J We are different. Yet, equal. Created Equal for one purpose. When we together are working towards that purpose it is a beautiful thing.

Here is the plot twist. Although created equal woman was created as a helper. {Genesis 2:20b) Doesn’t that just feel right women? Don’t you like to help? Even if you are not married or have children of your own, don’t you want to help? I know you do. It is a God given want. I posted this week about other women who needed our help and you stepped up. You gave from what you had, you helped. You crushed the evil with your helping!

Read a little further and you see that Eve was created from Adam’s rib. Think about that. EVERY creature was created from the dirt but WOMAN!! W{women} were created from man’s rib. Flesh of his flesh. Bone of his bone.

Woman created from Man. “Man gives life to the woman. Woman gives life to the world!!” To give God Glory, we give life to the world.

Man is the Glory of God. Women are the glory of man. BOTH images of God. Equal yet different. Each role carrying exclusive privileges and yet not one superior over the other. In this world we need each other. Not one independent from the other. (1 Corinthians 11:11)

Here is where the plot turns for me,1 Corinthians 11:3 Maybe you can help me hash this out. How can this be? Now I know “head” does not mean control or supremacy rather source of. SO since man was created first he derives {obtains} his existence from Christ and I derive {obtain} my existence from man? Yes, maybe in the beginning. Do I derive {obtain} my existence from man now? That just doesn’t seem right. Shouldn’t I also derive {obtain} my existence from Christ as well? What about single women? How about women going through a divorce from a man who I would not derive my existence from? What about the widow? Tell me your thoughts. 

The Wall { Life the Endurance Race}

I have been on the Mountain for what seems to be a long time, I am tired. The temptation to return to the city is is high. If I hear one more word of discouragement and criticism I am going to blow. I am almost to the end of this part of the race. I just told God the other day I wanted to finish well. I am doing good, staying content, letting the words and set backs roll off my shoulders. Yet,  Satan has been firing arrows and they have really started to hurt. They are tearing me a part.

I try to remember he has no defense, I on the other hand do.

Then I hit a Wall.

In this Endurance Race we call Life we sometimes hit Walls. This week I hit a BIG one. I called it quits. I was done. I was relying on my own strength. At the end I was left tired and empty.

My mind was made up to quit. The thing about quitting is that it makes me sad, I will miss out. Miss out on what could have been. Miss out on the reward for all of the work already put in. At the moment though it seemed to be the easiest thing to do.

The wall is a real thing. In a running sense when you hit the wall your body runs out of carbs and hydration. The body wants to stop. In a spirit sense the wall is when you run out your own ability. Everything in you wants to stop. You guys. I was there. I was ready to quit a race that had brought me so much joy.

God was faithful... AGAIN! Just when I was through. I got a call from a friend. I had a long conversation with a woman I trust. I prayed with my sister from another mister. I got a post on my wall telling me I have been a blessing to someone I look up to. Then I talked to MountainMan till wee hours in the morning.

I assume this is how Moses felt on the Mountain. Tired with nothing left to give. Then God sent Aaron and Hur. They held him up so he could win the battle. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to my Aaron's and Hur's. I love you more then word's can express.

Truth or Dare

Adam and Eve hid in the Garden. Ashamed of what they had done. Hiding in secret…

It starts off with a conversation about hiding food from one another. It eeerks me to no end. I hate hiding food. It. Is. So. Stupid. Yet, this family does it often. Maybe because we have three growing teenage boys. Maybe because we live on the mountain and I will forget to pick it up next time I am in town. Maybe it’s because we all get greedy at times and want the best for our selves. All that aside, things done in secret piss me off.

Number one rule for loss of trust. Do something in secret. Then let the cat out of the bag…

Some of the worst hurts are done in secret. Gossip. Adultery. Thievery.

We hide it away. Hoping no one will find out.

If you can’t do it out in the open… what makes it honest?  

In my book, life should be lived out loud. Honest. Not kept in the dark. Behind doors. Hidden in the underwear drawer. Pretzel M&M’s will go stale in there..

When we hide our morsels and after the stank has risen. Trust is lost. Hurt is 10 times worse.

Let’s avoid it. Let’s Communicate. Tell the Stuff. Hear the Stuff. Listen to the Stuff. It matters. To the heart.

Life is best shared. In fact life isn’t life unless it’s shared. That means we will get hurt. Our favorite stuff will be consumed by others. Our food. Our stories. Our money. Our homes.  I don’t think it should be any other way.

I dare you. To tell the truth.

Luke 12:2

Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known.

Want to see what else God says about secrets?

Ecclesiastes12:14, Matthew 10:26-28, 12:36-37  Ephesians 4:25, 4:29 Romans 2:16

Adullam and prayerfully considering Un-Friending some people

Guys, I feel the deep creeping in. I use to think it was dark, I was scared of it.  Now I realize it a spot of growth for me. It’s a time to reflect and hole up. The key is emerging.

David did it. Hole up I mean. In a cave, Adullam. He was seeking refuge.  It was a time of reflection. He was asking God questions, lamenting.  Time in the cave strengthened him, restored him and encouraged him. He eventually emerged, stronger with unbreakable faith. His time prepared him to withstand what was around the bend.

My time in the hole:

I am taking time to reflect on How God is with me. He sees me, He knows my every thought. I trust Him to work through these questions.

I am trusting that He defends me.  At this moment I don’t have the strength, the wisdom or words to fight right now. This is unusual for me. I am a fighter by nature. This time in the hole, I am waiting on God to act.

Right now in the hole, I am prayerfully considering boundaries. Where to draw them and how too lovingly (even to myself) use them.

God has a purpose for the hole. I will trust in it. I promise I won’t be here long.

I like this quote my friend put on Facebook this week.

  "If someone tracks mud into your beautiful home night after night, forgiving him means the next time he knocks, you go to the door. But if he is still muddy and still willing to track it in, don't let him in. There has been no repentance, thus there can be no reconciliation. Only repentance (taking off his muddy shoes in respect of your home) can result in an invitation to come in. Forgiveness is simply the willingness to keep going to the door in hopes that true repentance may have occurred."
-John Bishop

Here’s is to the hole, healing and no more tracking mud on my carpet. {please picture a large cup of coffee swirled with the delicious Samoa's Girl Scout flavored Coffee creamer. Samoa cookie in the other hand}

Inevitably Random

Today. I was alone. For hours. By myself. It was just what I needed. I cooked and cleaned and sang my heart out to old country. Don Williams. Johnny Cash. Dolly Parton. It was bliss. That’s all about that.

My thoughts have really been turning to the inevitable lately. Like Death and aging and change. It’s all inevitable.

Parents. Spouses. Friends. Pets. Relationships. Hopes. Goals. Die. It’s so ugly and harsh and true.

I watched on Facebook this week as a friend mourned the recent death of her father. She posted she felt numb. I wanted to tell her “it all gets better.” Yet, I remember that feeling. Numb. Almost three years later, when I think of Daddy. I smile. Yet, there is still this numb. It’s like… have you ever had surgery and the surgeon cuts a nerve? They put it back together. It heals.  It is never really the same. When you touch it, it’s still numb with a little bit of feeling. It’s the weirdest feeling. That’s how I describe this numb. Life has been severed. Gone. The BEing slowly gets put back together. Yet, it’s never the same. It’s numb. When you rub the old wound, there is feeling and yet no feeling. Yeah, that’s how I feel about death right now. It strikes a numb nerve. It’s inevitable. That’s all about that.

This week I ate really well. I went to the gym. I used the weights. However, getting old is inevitable. Those pants won’t fit the same. Baggy eyes in the morning after crying, is inevitable. Larger thighs and hanging stomach fat. All of it, inevitable. I am getting old and will continue to do so.  That’s all about that. because. well .TMI

I realized I am years away from being an empty nester. Year’s people. Not a decade or close to two decades. YEARS!!  I could cry crocodile tears but I cried them all out last night. The oldest turned 16. How? When did this happen? He is growing into an incredible man. I am literally shaking my head as I type this. Disbelief that he is my child. I mean I have screwed up!! More than I would like to admit. I have yelled. I have been selfish. Wait. I don’t want to admit anymore.  Yet, maybe that is the key. I admit it to them when I screw up. So, I have apologized more than I would like to admit. I have had to swallow the bitter pill of pride. These kids. They grew me up!! What will I do when they are not here, under my roof? That’s all about that… for now

Here are some other things that are inevitable. Sunday is Bunday for me. It just is. I can’t for the life of me do my hair on Sunday mornings. When my heart is ugly and I am emotional, MountainMan will make me go on a walk. In the dark. And I get grumpy. In turn it is inevitable that I then step into a cold stream and the Fword will fly from my lips like butter. BUTTER I tell you. It’s Inevitable. 

It’s inevitable that mud will be on my floor within seconds of mopping. Because no one around here knows how to take off their shoes or wipe their feet {including me}. Inevitable. 

More inevitable you ask. Hurt. People hurt us. Church people hurt us. Family people hurt us. Friend people hurt us. Children hurt us. Spouse people hurt us. They just do. They suck. They break promises. Tell your secrets. Cheat on you. Steal things away from you. Yell at you. Call you names. Forget about you. Remind you that you might NEVER EVER be enough. Become addicted to things that take them away from you. Tell you they will do something and then do the opposite. They hurt us. Life hurts us. Goals aren't met. Dreams are broken. Plot changes happen. They do!! It’s called life. THE great adventure. It’s inevitable. Life and people suck. Thank you SIN!!

NOTE TO SELF:

One more inevitable? You will die. One day YOU will stand before your Maker. So stop being everyone else Holy Spirit. a.n.d. wear yoga pants. get a tattoo. pierce your septum. loose the weight. eat healthier. go back to school. say your sorry. tell her she is beautiful. tell him he is amazing. let them be kids. say yes more often. say no more often. tell that kid what to do because crying out loud YOU are the parent.  For the LOVE people. LOVE PEOPLE!! LOVE yourself. 

You want more? Jesus. Inevitable. He died for US!! All of us UGLY Nasty Selfish LYING abusive sinners. Phew!! Thank you LORD. That your inevitable sacrifice saved me from an inevitable fate of living apart from you. That would be Hell. Thank you for inevitably standing by me. Never leaving me when I tried to leave you. For telling me that you live. You love. You will always be there for me. My God you were. My God you are. My God you will always be. Inevitably.

Give Me the Real Life

The sun has risen and I am out of bed. I forget how much I relish in the time I have before everyone else gets up. I’ve made it a priority this week. 

My list of to do’s have grown over the last 5 days. I have put off the hard stuff.  If I don’t get to it soon I will be scrambling to meet the deadlines. This causes chaos throughout the house. I know this and so the list grows in my head and it makes it hard to concentrate.

The “real life” is what is on my mind. I have taxes to be finished. A house to be dusted. A speech to be finished and cars to be cleaned. Doctor’s appointments to be made and errands to be ran. I have a home that needs negotiation and a home that needs to be listed. I have a marketing campaign two pages long that needs to be implemented and CE credits that need to be logged. I have a binder that needs organizing and a fire marshal that needs to be called. I have a new vocabulary to learn such as“Business enterprise value”,  “Leased leasehold position” and “going concern value”

 All of this should have already been done… 

 I put them off because I am craving the Real Life. The one given to me through Jesus Christ. All the good works, positive affirmations, self-help books, vacations and education {as great as these things are} cannot satiate my hunger.

I crave a change in my life. That’s where I see God’s power.

God, the One who does not delay. The one who made today and tells me to delight in it.  You have been so good to me, relationships healed and renewed. There are young women being educated. Studies completed.  Grace abounding in my life. Yet, I crave more.  Flip on the light dear Lord. Show me my sin. Change me and glorify yourself. I will speak of your wonders. Let me speak. Nourish my bones that your love may flow through me. Make me yours. I long for the Promised Land. Lord, I don’t want to delay any longer. I want to possess your promises and keep your commands. I long to shake off what holds me back. Give me the real life, the one you offer.

 In Jesus Name.

Have you ever wondered what the real life is? Just what are God’s promises and what has he done for me lately?

Check out what the Bible has to say: John 1:12-13, John 10:28, 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, 1 John 5:14-15, Colossians 1:21-22, Psalm 55:22 

How to finally be ENOUGH

It’s been two days of waking up to the LOST. It’s heavy as I open my eyes. The sun is peaking through the basement window and I already find myself grumbling. "The basement is so dark. If I just had more natural lighting this dark wouldn't be so heavy."

 

I know not to do it when I get out of bed but I do it any way. I turn on Instagram and start scrolling.

My soul is parched. I stop to make coffee and drink some water of the earth. My soul is calling me to bend and yet I stand at the window sill hoping to catch some sun on my face. I grind the coffee and continue to scroll. I see their faces, all these people living out their dreams. Doing what God called them to do. I grumble more. I beat myself up. I remind myself of all the things I had hoped were God’s will for me. I tell myself I will never be good enough. I remind myself of how I have not been able to attend a birth in the last year and I will never certify as a Doula. Besides I don’t think it's my “thing” anyway. I think of the blog post with the linkup that no one linked up to. I giggle a little. That must not be my “thing” either. I step on the scale and am reminded that I am much heavier then I was this time last year. I cringe at the thought of wearing a size bigger.  It’s a reminder that I am getting older and that some of dreams and goals have not been accomplished. I settle on the couch with coffee in hand and tell myself that I am an utter failure.

It is then that I finally give in to the yelling going on in my soul. “Bend, Misty. Kneel, Misty.” I do. "Shhh…" He says. “Whom are you trying to please? If it’s man then you will never be enough. Who are you trying to make followers of? You? Your blog? Or are you trying to make followers of ME? You have been seeking the approval from this world and in the process you are not clearly hearing my voice.” It’s true. I have become self-focused. Trying to be liked by others, I have tuned out the voice of God.

Like you, my heart craves to know that I matter. I want approval. The thing is we already have it. We are loved by God for who we already are. God, our Father, is perfectly and fully pleased with me. He is pleased with you…

My prayer this morning is that my mind will be transformed. That God will renew it. That I will accept that I am perfectly loved and that I am enough for HIM.

If you are struggling today with not being enough my prayer is for you to.

Shoot me a message so I can pray for you personally.

Wondering what God says about your value? Check out Isaiah 43:4; 43:1; 49;15-16; 1 Samuel 12:22; Luke 19:10; Titus 3:5-6

I double Dog DARE you to be BRAVE, STRONG and COURAGEOUS in 2015

TaiPan use to be my favorite store on the planet. Nothing gave me a rush like walking through those doors. I would skim over the holiday items at the front. Pick up a few items in their dollar section and then head back to the clearance items. One day while browsing I came across a block with Joshua 1:9 painted on it. I didn’t even know what the scripture said. I just liked that it had God’s word on it and it was black. It would look great in the boy’s bathroom.

Later when I got home I looked up the scripture;

Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

Perfect for the boys!! Be strong and courageous my little warriors.

A few years later and a cry to God for help turned our world upside down. Life as we knew it was changing. Loss of things. Moving to the Mountain with the in laws had me terrified. I turned to God. I don’t remember what brought me to Joshua 1:6-9, all I know is that it was there, in my lap. It brought me peace and order. It gave me a command and I knew this new adventure was God’s work. I remember shaking uncontrollably. I had to share it with someone and the boys were home. I ran out to the living room stuttering and pointing and crying. I told them this move is God’s and it’s going to be hard and life changing. We are scared. God promises us he will be with us and we will be successful at this adventure. When things get rough remember it was him who brought us there. I wrote it in chalk on our chalk board and left it there for months. The words are still stained on the big board that sits in our bedroom now. Be strong and Courageous.

 Now close to 3 years later God pulls this scripture out yet again as I learn that HE IS WITH ME. He has grabbed my hand and is walking me through the healing of abandonment. He commands me again. Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD {Jehovah Shammah} Your  God .will.be. WITH - you-WHEREVER.you. go. He does not leave folks. He is the God who is there!! ALWAYS.

Last year my word was BRAVE. There were many times that I chose to be Brave. Relationships were healed. Adventures were had. A school was opened. Roots were planted. I got to watch others be brave. He didn't leave me. Not once. 2014 ends with me KNOWing Jehovah Shammah.


Here’s to you my friends and fellow soldiers. Be Brave, Strong and Courageous in 2015. Let HIM lead, he will NEVER leave you. He promises.

Attachment to stuff brings suffering

Growing up my step father was a business man. He owned a concrete company. As a grown up (and a Realtor) I understand what a rollercoaster the housing industry can be. Sometimes money was abundant and sometimes there was none.  He was the husband to my mother, who is a rollercoaster herself. Her drug addictions and brokenness caused a lot of havoc in our home. Some days I would come home from school to find our house tore apart and my mother nowhere to be found. Other times I would come home to gifts on my bed; clothing, perfume, books, cd’s anything my mother thought I would like. The home was cleaned and dinner on the stove. It was these times that I knew the world was “right”. Tonight I would sleep well because Momma was happy.

The last few years has taught me a lot about stuff, the importance of holding on and letting go. My journey through Ecclesiastes the last few weeks has been teaching me about the meaningless of so many things. One being stuff. Yes, again.

It’s been through these morning times I realized I am still attached to stuff. After all this time I still struggle with it. My eyes are never satisfied. My closet is never full enough. I want more and forget about all that I have. My view on stuff is distorted.

Gathering stuff makes me feel like everything is right in the world.

I realize cramming my day full of stuff to do and my closet full of clothing is not going to satisfy. It’s futile. Meaningless.

Unless my days are for God. Unless my stuff is for God. Than it’s all meaningless, a chasing after the wind. If the words of my mouth are not of encouragement and said in love, meaningless. If my work is for my advancement and the money used for more stuff, meaningless. If my time is spent coveting things on Pinterest and my eyes feasting on others’ lives on Facebook, meaningless.

My stuff is not what makes me. If I am only happy when I have stuff, then I feel good when I have it and horrible when I don’t. This makes life meaningless.

God does not look at me and see my stuff. He does not say “Well Misty that car you drive and those designer shoes you have on make you special. “  No, "God cares more about more character than my comfort" ~ Bryan Hurlbutt

 I have come to realize that if my bank account is full and the fridge is stuffed to the brim this does not mean that I have God’s approval. If I am lacking, this is not a sign of God’s disfavor.  

I am learning to be owned by nothing. I am learning to detach from this world and attach more and more each day to my Savior. Here is where I learn the secret to being content in any and every situation. {Philippians 4:12}

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Over the next year I will be working on letting go of more stuff.

·        Clothing. I will be going through the closet again. I have decided to lessen my footprint on this world. This year I will buy only second hand. That’s right. If I feel that something is really missing from my closet, I will be headed to Saver’s or the Goodwill. This helps local charities, supplies locals with jobs and lessens the landfills. It will make me second guess next time I see that sweet little shirt online.

·        Storage Units. The “big scare” made me second guess all of the stuff I have hoarded in a storage unit. If I can’t name what’s in there… I don’t need it. I will be going through these units and getting rid of the unnecessary.

·        Feasting my eyes. This December I took a break from Facebook and found myself on Pinterest… too much. Time limit. That’s how I will fix that.

·        My story. I am going to let my fingers flow more this year. I won’t be posting every time on Facebook. Just here on my little part of the web. Letting God redeem my ugly.

·        I am open to whatever God shares with my heart that needs to be given up.  

  Here is to a new year of letting go and detaching !

The Tease

"God's not a tease. That's not who He is" she says when she gets the news that the buyers of her house are being difficult... again. She reminds herself out loud of who God is and who he is not. This was good for me to hear. Sometimes I feel as though God teases me. 

The word says he does not tease.

Matthew 7:7-11.
7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

9 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

I like the way The Message states it :

Matthew 7:7-11The Message (MSG)

7-11 “Don’t bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn’t a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we’re in. If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn’t think of such a thing. You’re at least decent to your own children. So don’t you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better?

God doesn't play games.

 Perhaps he coaxes? As only a good teacher can. He puts us in environments that tease us out of our resistance. Out of our heartache. Out of our distrust. Then he gives us the resources we need to learn and grow. Out of our boxes. Into His Arms.  

-------------------------

On a journey of learning who God REALLY is. Do you have distorted view about God? Do you KNOW Him for who he is? What was your journey like?

Swallowing Lies

It occurred to me recently : I can make a difference right where I am.

Shortly after. Drunk monkey got let loose.

You're not good enough. You don't have enough education.
You are so ordinary. You have too many wrinkles and gray hair.
You have nothing to say. You should probably just shut your mouth.
You are too flawed. God could never use a mess like you. If they knew your past. If they knew how hurtful you have been with your words. They would never listen.
Crawl in a hole.

After years of practice, it should be easy to shut that liar up. Right?

Well, yes. Sort of. This means I have to stop swallowing and digesting the lies. I have to shut them down and remove them. I have to choose health. I have to choose the truth.

Today there wasn't much left in my arsenal. This week has left me weak. Reminders of my less then perfect childhood. Memories of things a child should never have to see. Places they never should have been. How most children with this kind of back ground end up being a huge disappointment to society. That all those things "she" said might just be true.

"Screw this trying to be a better person" I tell myself. " it's a family curse. Just let it go. Let your give a damn break."

Dysfunction seemed to work before. Why try for the healthy?

I quickly realized I have been giving my power away for too long. I have not been fully loving the people in front of me for fear of offending others near by. Maybe it's time. I speak of LOVE. How it has changed me. It's time to let God use me to really love others. Despite others hatred.

I am awesome. I serve an ALL loving God. He lives inside me. I love well because of that. I am owning it. Those moments, I am not so proud of. They made me. They are mine. I own them. Those Gray hairs. I earned them. They are mine. I am ordinary. Made Extra Ordinary because of my God. It's mine. I own it.

God, I worship you and give you praise. You are worthy to receive all honor and glory and praise. I renew my commitment to you and ask that the Holy Spirit enables me. Open my eyes and show me the areas in my life that do not please you. Work in me and cleanse me of any footholds Satan may have hold against me. I welcome the ministry of the Holy Spirit. I am trusting you to show me how to make this practical in my everyday life. I am thankful that you have shown me in your Word your plans for my daily life. I will claim your will today God. I claim that You have not given me the spirit of fear but of power and love and sound mind. I give my emotions to you. I refuse to believe my feelings. Instead I believe in your truth. I hold this truth up against any lies, accusations and distortions Satan would put in my mind. I surrender myself to you. I refuse to be discouraged. You are the God of all hope. In JESUS name, Amen. 

Throw Me A Line * warning* lot's. of. whining. attached.

I think I have lost it. Literally. My give a damn broke, some time last week in between the incompetent Realtor I was dealing with and the phone call to my mother. This is normal day to day things. Yet, I lost it. I was angry and resentful. And black hearted.

All of the other things I have stuffed deep down just came pouring out. All day Sunday I questioned if I was really a child of God. Experience tells me I have to go to the Word. What do you know. I didn't buck it. That is where I ran. Thankfully I was able to tuck that crazy back in.

But yesterday, I get a phone call that my moms back in the hospital. She was in the hospital with pneumonia over Christmas. Now she returns.  Guess who called to confirm she was in critical care? Lobster. Like it's no big deal that I didn't know where she was. This threw me into a tailspin. Spiraling deeper and darker. Anxiety over rode me. Full blown panic attack.

Later, I get an email about Kairos. I am in over my head people. I thought I would be finding this group of smart people a building. NOPE. Can't even do that. Really that's not my job at all. It's really to learn codes, rules and regulations and then meet all the states requirements to get this building up and running. Granted we actually find a building that will suit our needs at the price we can afford. Have I mentioned I need a rich uncle?

Just trying to leave.
 Low and behold something is stuck in the 4-wheelers tire

I am ready to move off this mountain. Nothing is easy here. NOTHING. Considering a maintenance free townhome. No dying animals. No dirt. No wood burning fireplace. Constant electricity. Something with lots of natural light. Somewhere I am not an hour and a half away from all important things. Fast internet. a place where I don't have to wear a tin hat just to get cell service.

I am left wondering if this shit will ever stop. Will I ever be able to focus again? The Word says refinement is for my own good. Well I must be pretty dirty. Because this washing over me is drowning me.

Someone throw me a line.

Presently sucking the life out of this scripture and trying to figure how it works. God knows
I am worn out.

Matthew 11:28-30

The Message (MSG)

28-30 “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”


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What do you do when enough feels like enough? I am thinking a trip to the doctor is in order. 

Baby It's Cold Outside {My Favorite Winter Scriptures}

Today was the first real snow storm of the year. {We started a new tradition of making homemade donuts on the first real snow storm. What do you know, we are out of flour. Rhodes Cinnamon rolls had to do. YUM!} It was beautiful the way it washed everything so clean. It reminded me of the scripture Isaiah 1:18 "Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson they shall be like wool" To celebrate this new season, I thought I would share some of my favorite "winter scriptures". I hope you have a cozy weekend.

Job 38:29-30
From whose womb comes the ice?
Who gives birth to the frost from the heavens
when the waters become hard as stone,
when the surface of the deep is frozen?

 Psalm 147:16

He spreads the snow like wool and scatters the frost like ashes.

Psalm 74:17

It was you who set all the boundaries of the earth; you made both summer and winter.

Job 37:6

He says to the snow, 'Fall on the earth,' and to the rain shower, 'Be a mighty downpour.'

Job 37:10
The breath of God produces ice, and the broad waters become frozen.