It’s been two days of waking up to the LOST. It’s heavy as I open my eyes. The sun is peaking through the basement window and I already find myself grumbling. "The basement is so dark. If I just had more natural lighting this dark wouldn't be so heavy."
I know not to do it when I get out of bed but I do it any way. I turn on Instagram and start scrolling.My soul is parched. I stop to make coffee and drink some water of the earth. My soul is calling me to bend and yet I stand at the window sill hoping to catch some sun on my face. I grind the coffee and continue to scroll. I see their faces, all these people living out their dreams. Doing what God called them to do. I grumble more. I beat myself up. I remind myself of all the things I had hoped were God’s will for me. I tell myself I will never be good enough. I remind myself of how I have not been able to attend a birth in the last year and I will never certify as a Doula. Besides I don’t think it's my “thing” anyway. I think of the blog post with the linkup that no one linked up to. I giggle a little. That must not be my “thing” either. I step on the scale and am reminded that I am much heavier then I was this time last year. I cringe at the thought of wearing a size bigger. It’s a reminder that I am getting older and that some of dreams and goals have not been accomplished. I settle on the couch with coffee in hand and tell myself that I am an utter failure.
It is then that I finally give in to the yelling going on in my soul. “Bend, Misty. Kneel, Misty.” I do. "Shhh…" He says. “Whom are you trying to please? If it’s man then you will never be enough. Who are you trying to make followers of? You? Your blog? Or are you trying to make followers of ME? You have been seeking the approval from this world and in the process you are not clearly hearing my voice.” It’s true. I have become self-focused. Trying to be liked by others, I have tuned out the voice of God.
My prayer this morning is that my mind will be transformed. That God will renew it. That I will accept that I am perfectly loved and that I am enough for HIM.
If you are struggling today with not being enough my prayer is for you to.
Shoot me a message so I can pray for you personally.
Wondering what God says about your value? Check out Isaiah 43:4; 43:1; 49;15-16; 1 Samuel 12:22; Luke 19:10; Titus 3:5-6