It’s been two days of waking up to the LOST. It’s heavy as I
open my eyes. The sun is peaking through the basement window and I already find
myself grumbling. "The basement is so dark. If I just had more natural lighting this
dark wouldn't be so heavy."
I know not to do it when I get out of bed but I do it any
way. I turn on Instagram and start scrolling.
My soul is parched. I stop to
make coffee and drink some water of the earth. My soul is calling me to bend
and yet I stand at the window sill hoping to catch some sun on my face. I grind
the coffee and continue to scroll. I see their faces, all these people living
out their dreams. Doing what God called them to do. I grumble more. I beat
myself up. I remind myself of all the things I had hoped were God’s will for
me. I tell myself I will never be good enough. I remind myself of how I have not
been able to attend a birth in the last year and I will never certify as a
Doula. Besides I don’t think it's my “thing” anyway. I think of the blog post
with the linkup that no one linked up to. I giggle a little. That must not be
my “thing” either. I step on the scale and am reminded that I am much heavier
then I was this time last year. I cringe at the thought of wearing a size
bigger. It’s a reminder that I am getting
older and that some of dreams and goals have not been accomplished. I settle on
the couch with coffee in hand and tell myself that I am an utter failure.
It is then that I finally give in to the yelling going on in
my soul. “Bend, Misty. Kneel, Misty.” I do. "Shhh…" He says. “Whom are you trying
to please? If it’s man then you will never be enough. Who are you trying to
make followers of? You? Your blog? Or are you trying to make followers of ME?
You have been seeking the approval from this world and in the process you are
not clearly hearing my voice.” It’s true. I have become self-focused. Trying to
be liked by others, I have tuned out the voice of God.
Like you, my heart craves to
know that I matter. I want approval. The thing is we already have it. We are
loved by God for who we already are. God, our
Father, is perfectly and fully pleased with me. He is pleased with you…
My prayer this morning is that my mind will be transformed.
That God will renew it. That I will accept that I am perfectly loved and that I
am enough for HIM.
If you are struggling today with not being enough my prayer
is for you to.
Shoot me a message so I can pray for you personally.
Wondering what God says about your value? Check out Isaiah
43:4; 43:1; 49;15-16; 1 Samuel 12:22; Luke 19:10; Titus 3:5-6
Wow ! Thank you for sharing
ReplyDelete