Monday, December 30, 2013

Where are you Lobster?

Dear Lobster,

I waited. I am still waiting. Where are you?

I remember the first time we locked hands. You in a small incubator. Me standing on the outside. I remember your dimples. I remember ...

Remember when we were inseparable. Remember our late night giggles. You tickle my back and I tickle yours. Most of the time we only had each other.

Remember "hawaiian princess". Remember Barbies. Remember bike rides and dinner at 6:00. Remember camping trips and go cart racing.

Remember the trip to Vegas. Remember pulling the needle out of her arm. Remember staying up all night to make sure she was breathing.

Those hauntings. Are they what made you chose the road you have? You are braver than me. The stories you have to tell.

I use to think I could save you. Change you. I use to think I knew it all. I know better now.

I want you to know that I believe in you. I love you. I miss you.  I have no idea what is good or bad for you. I am not a judge, just a witness to your life. I will leave that up to God. I know you gave Him your life. I trust you are in good  hands.

Thank you for letting me be part of that miraculous birth. Thank you for letting me love on your boys. Thank you for letting me come to "the class". Thank you for the drives. Thank you for the talks. Thank you for the encouragement. Thank you for staying the night. Thank you for being so honest and sharing your heart.

I pray you come back. I see your smile. Hear your voice.

New day. New choices.

Until then. I am thinking of you.

Love, Sissy

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