Wednesday, October 16, 2013

LOSS

I have not been writing much this year because I am hurting. In all honesty we are all hurting. It's no fun to read about someone who is hurting. No one really knows how to help someone who is hurting. This year has been full of loss. We lost my Dad. We lost Papa. We "lost" a home that we loved so much. We lost some incredible neighbors. With this move my boys lost friendships. We have lost a great church because we live too far away to keep attending. With that I have lost a community that I so dearly loved. We loose time every time we take the extra 30 minutes to drive down the canyon. We lost convenience. I lost a friend. I lost a group of girls that meant the world to me. We have lost trust.we have lost pieces of us, who we thought we were. We have lost patience. We have lost a lot of "STUFF".   We have lost two horses. We have lost a goat. We have lost chickens and cats. Tonight as I write we are losing our loved bearded dragon. This little pet has meant the world to my two boys.

I don't know what to do with all of this loss. I don't know how to heal my boys hearts or make everything okay. I am scared. What is all of this loss is doing to their personalities? To their hearts? To their deep, that I do not see? Will they grow up cynical? Mass murders? Will they grow up and hate me? Run far from me? Blame me for all the things that go wrong? Some-days I feel like I am losing hope.

Then I see this


That's my boy. Bible in hand. Going to the place he knows he can seek refuge. Our God. Keeping vigil over his loved pet. He goes to our LORD. My heart skips a beat. This loss. It won't be for nothing. I pray. I hope.

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