The Invalid {Get up and take your Mat}

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Yesterday, I am yapping with her, you know the BFF. I am telling her how there is a new birthing center that is opening here in my town. I whine "Dang it! I should have finished. I should have just got my certification with DONA" I tell her that I don't know this has happened to me. I didn't use to give up. I am a fighter and I usually finish everything I start. I am usually bloody and bruised by the end." She sighs and  states, "hmm... hmm... hmm.. that's interesting." My words left her dumb founded too. ***** It was one of those moments that gets you pondering.   Lately (the last three years) I give up. If it starts to get hard I take it as a sign that I should be done. That maybe this isn't God's will for me. I chewed on this lie for the rest of the day and well into the night. This morning as I began my praying, marking and reading out of John 5 it hit me. I am an invalid. I have been injured, bruised. and had the rug pulled out from beneath me.All that I thought was success was a lie and God showed me that. Yet, this bruising has left me afraid. Afraid to move. Make big decisions. OR Finish what I start. Afraid I am not in His will... Therefore I will fail This is where my heart gets strangled. I have agreed with a lie that Satan has placed in my ear. ***** The truth is Jesus saw me rolling around in my muck and He came to me. He released me from the yuck and the stuff. He brought me to this cocoon and has changed me. I need to stop laying here making excuses and listen to the fact that Jesus said "Get up! Take your mat and walk." Be brave and trust that I am in Gods will.

Yesterday, I am yapping with her, you know the BFF. I am telling her how there is a new birthing center that is opening here in my town. I whine "Dang it! I should have finished. I should have just got my certification with DONA" I tell her that I don't know this has happened to me. I didn't use to give up. I am a fighter and I usually finish everything I start. I am usually bloody and bruised by the end." She sighs and  states, "hmm... hmm... hmm.. that's interesting." My words left her dumb founded too.

*****
It was one of those moments that gets you pondering.   Lately (the last three years) I give up. If it starts to get hard I take it as a sign that I should be done. That maybe this isn't God's will for me. I chewed on this lie for the rest of the day and well into the night.

This morning as I began my praying, marking and reading out of John 5 it hit me. I am an invalid. I have been injured, bruised. and had the rug pulled out from beneath me.All that I thought was success was a lie and God showed me that.

Yet, this bruising has left me afraid. Afraid to move. Make big decisions. OR Finish what I start.

Afraid I am not in His will... Therefore I will fail

This is where my heart gets strangled. I have agreed with a lie that Satan has placed in my ear.

*****

The truth is Jesus saw me rolling around in my muck and He came to me. He released me from the yuck and the stuff. He brought me to this cocoon and has changed me. I need to stop laying here making excuses and listen to the fact that Jesus said "Get up! Take your mat and walk." Be brave and trust that I am in Gods will.