Tuesday, July 22, 2014

How to Tuck Your Crazy Back In

The sun is going down and he reminds me that there isn't much more time to play, "time is running out aunty." I tell him 10 more minutes. This goes against my gut. It's been a long day. He has had to worry about things that are not his to worry about. He has asked questions that I do not have answers to. He knows this is not home, yet he makes the most of it.  I can tell by the way he is talking and walking that he is tired. He is mad. He isn't ready to go home in the  morning. He is adamant about this.

I see it coming. He is running down hill in flip flops, with trucks in hand. "He won't be able to catch himself", I mumble under my sigh. I yell "slow down buddy."

It's but seconds later and his crazy is unleashed. He has fallen. No blood. Just a bump. Being a mother to boys, you only worry when they are bleeding profusely. There is no controlling his thrashing and screaming. I hold him. I whisper he will be okay. He doesn't want to listen. He wants to do it himself. He wants to run around and throw his car. He wants to scream and throw him self down. I let him for a minute. Then he runs back to me and ask me to hold him. I do. He cries and whimpers. The sun has gone down.

We put him in the warm tub and wash the dirt from the day off. I remind him he is safe here. He is loved. He smiles through his weary eyes. We dry, lavish on the lotion and dress. We pray. We read the Jesus Storybook Bible  where we learn "That this God-Man was like no one they had ever met. When they looked at Jesus, their hearts filled up with wonderful, forever sort of happiness..." He points to Jesus. He kissed my cheek. He asks for one more story. Then he falls asleep. 

In the morning the sun has rose. The soul has had rest. Somehow we know that we can do hard things today. 

That's just it. My crazy comes flying out when I am tired. When I have not taken the time to just pray. Read. Listen. Instead I push for more. More time. More to do's. More reading. More. More. More. I remind myself of shoulda, coulda, woulda instead of just resting. Realizing my limit has been reached. 

There are questions that can't be answered right now. There are things I can't fix. However, I can slow down. I can let go of things in my hands that are not needed. They may be fun, but right now... I need my sanity. Before I fall and can't be caught, even though I have been warned.

When I am not listening. I throw myself down. I run away from my Great God. I want to do it myself. 
Then I run right back and ask Him to hold me. He does. He reminds me. I am not meant to do it all. Just to be obedient each day. Listening each day.   

I can love those right beside me. I can reach out to those that mean so much to me and stop procrastinating. 

So, I go to the Lord each night. Repentant. Washing away the days dirt. He lavishes me in His grace. I give thanks. I read His Word and am reminded that His Word is just as alive to me as it was thousands of years ago. This God-Man *sigh* is like no one I have ever met.

I rest. In the morning. There is sunshine. I am reminded, I can do hard things.     


  1. I needed this friend...thank you <3

    1. Lanette!! I am glad. Continuing to pray for your ministry. I would love an update.

  2. We wrapped up our first study at the beginning of summer. It went really well, small group- only 2 but it was the 2 that God wanted there. We held it in my friend's (co-leader) home and her family either stayed upstairs or left while we were there. I LOVE the warm, comforting atmosphere but don't like misplacing families for hours at a time (we were normally there for 3 hours)
    Our church is expanding in a big way, we just bought 3 buildings (only by the grace of God!!) and I'm hoping there will be an area that we use that will be private and cozy. Otherwise, I'm just praying that God gives me clear direction about where to go and how to lead!
    Thanks for the interest :)
    Praying for you too friend!!