I see it coming. He is running down hill in flip flops, with trucks in hand. "He won't be able to catch himself", I mumble under my sigh. I yell "slow down buddy."
It's but seconds later and his crazy is unleashed. He has fallen. No blood. Just a bump. Being a mother to boys, you only worry when they are bleeding profusely. There is no controlling his thrashing and screaming. I hold him. I whisper he will be okay. He doesn't want to listen. He wants to do it himself. He wants to run around and throw his car. He wants to scream and throw him self down. I let him for a minute. Then he runs back to me and ask me to hold him. I do. He cries and whimpers. The sun has gone down.
We put him in the warm tub and wash the dirt from the day off. I remind him he is safe here. He is loved. He smiles through his weary eyes. We dry, lavish on the lotion and dress. We pray. We read the Jesus Storybook Bible where we learn "That this God-Man was like no one they had ever met. When they looked at Jesus, their hearts filled up with wonderful, forever sort of happiness..." He points to Jesus. He kissed my cheek. He asks for one more story. Then he falls asleep.
In the morning the sun has rose. The soul has had rest. Somehow we know that we can do hard things today.
That's just it. My crazy comes flying out when I am tired. When I have not taken the time to just pray. Read. Listen. Instead I push for more. More time. More to do's. More reading. More. More. More. I remind myself of shoulda, coulda, woulda instead of just resting. Realizing my limit has been reached.
There are questions that can't be answered right now. There are things I can't fix. However, I can slow down. I can let go of things in my hands that are not needed. They may be fun, but right now... I need my sanity. Before I fall and can't be caught, even though I have been warned.
When I am not listening. I throw myself down. I run away from my Great God. I want to do it myself.
Then I run right back and ask Him to hold me. He does. He reminds me. I am not meant to do it all. Just to be obedient each day. Listening each day.
I can love those right beside me. I can reach out to those that mean so much to me and stop procrastinating.
So, I go to the Lord each night. Repentant. Washing away the days dirt. He lavishes me in His grace. I give thanks. I read His Word and am reminded that His Word is just as alive to me as it was thousands of years ago. This God-Man *sigh* is like no one I have ever met.
I rest. In the morning. There is sunshine. I am reminded, I can do hard things.