Late April Newsy Update
3 hours ago
It occurred to me recently : I can make a difference right where I am.
Shortly after. Drunk monkey got let loose.
You're not good enough. You don't have enough education.
You are so ordinary. You have too many wrinkles and gray hair.
You have nothing to say. You should probably just shut your mouth.
You are too flawed. God could never use a mess like you. If they knew your past. If they knew how hurtful you have been with your words. They would never listen.
Crawl in a hole.
After years of practice, it should be easy to shut that liar up. Right?
Well, yes. Sort of. This means I have to stop swallowing and digesting the lies. I have to shut them down and remove them. I have to choose health. I have to choose the truth.
Today there wasn't much left in my arsenal. This week has left me weak. Reminders of my less then perfect childhood. Memories of things a child should never have to see. Places they never should have been. How most children with this kind of back ground end up being a huge disappointment to society. That all those things "she" said might just be true.
"Screw this trying to be a better person" I tell myself. " it's a family curse. Just let it go. Let your give a damn break."
Dysfunction seemed to work before. Why try for the healthy?
I quickly realized I have been giving my power away for too long. I have not been fully loving the people in front of me for fear of offending others near by. Maybe it's time. I speak of LOVE. How it has changed me. It's time to let God use me to really love others. Despite others hatred.
I am awesome. I serve an ALL loving God. He lives inside me. I love well because of that. I am owning it. Those moments, I am not so proud of. They made me. They are mine. I own them. Those Gray hairs. I earned them. They are mine. I am ordinary. Made Extra Ordinary because of my God. It's mine. I own it.
God, I worship you and give you praise. You are worthy to receive all honor and glory and praise. I renew my commitment to you and ask that the Holy Spirit enables me. Open my eyes and show me the areas in my life that do not please you. Work in me and cleanse me of any footholds Satan may have hold against me. I welcome the ministry of the Holy Spirit. I am trusting you to show me how to make this practical in my everyday life. I am thankful that you have shown me in your Word your plans for my daily life. I will claim your will today God. I claim that You have not given me the spirit of fear but of power and love and sound mind. I give my emotions to you. I refuse to believe my feelings. Instead I believe in your truth. I hold this truth up against any lies, accusations and distortions Satan would put in my mind. I surrender myself to you. I refuse to be discouraged. You are the God of all hope. In JESUS name, Amen.